i used to describe myself as a lite masochist many years ago. And, before that, i thought i was actually a masochist, until admitting such would land me in BIG trouble with many Sadists at the time. The masochistic ways i had earned as a young sub, was done so at a time where most Dommes knew nothing but sadism. i got into the scene with an interest in just serving and being useful for the Ones i served. Coincidentally, the first dungeon i became a houseboy at, had primarily Sadistic players working there. Damn, i can still feel my ass burning from all the abuse it was given at the time….
Then, over the years, my pain tolerance lowered, primarily because i stopped playing on an almost daily basis. This, in turn, affected my high tolerance. No problem, since i wasn’t playing often anymore.
Which brings me to my current situation. i once proudly wore that masochist tag like a badge and i displayed it whenever i could, challenging Dommes. Of course, i wouldn’t do that today, but, for some strange reason, i don’t know if i even want to be a masochist anymore. i never liked pain, i’m all about intensity and i still CRAVE an intense scene! The more intense, the better….
With that being said, i still want to be in the hands of a Sadist… i still want to challenge Her but, the challenge will be different to me. It will still be about me giving in to Her desires and wants. i just want to be able to match the intensity She will have in having me at Her mercy. Do i want to enjoy it? No… BUT, i do want Her to enjoy me and i enjoy the situation at hand….